A new homework excuse

This is the last week in the fourth six weeks grading period - which is really the seventh week this six weeks because we have to throw in an extra "ghost week" somewhere in order to meet the state's required number of school days, and we couldn't have put it at the end of the school year (final exam week) but whatever (stupid school district) - and so I've been dealing with the furious frenzy of marking last minute papers, incompletes due to absences from the "B" flu strain (everyone got vaccinated for the "A" strain) and, of course, this sort of thing:

That student: Mrs. H, I realize I did nothing but make your life really difficult this six weeks with all of my sleeping while you were lecturing/yelling out inappropriately/not doing any work/telling you that your hair is ugly and your shoes don't match your outfit, and today is the last day before grades are due, so what can I do to pass?

Me: Honey, do you really think there is anything you can do that will help bring up your 27 average? Also, no. I'm not sure you CAN do anything, seeing as you have chosen not to do anything for the last six weeks. Do better next year and YSEABOS.

I wish.
Really my reply is more like:

Me: Get me all 25 missing assignments by Tuesday, and if I can grade them by the end of the day (which I will bend over backwards to do because I'd rather do that than tell you that you won't graduate), that will bring up your average. Thanks and have a great week-end.

What's worse is when the parents call.

That student's parent: Hi Mrs. H. My son/daughter has a 27 in your class and is in danger of not graduating. Is there any extra credit I can do..uh.. I mean my son/daughter can do to bring up his/her grade?

Me: (SIGH)

I'm such a WUSS when it comes to these situations, but at the same time it's worth dealing with them in a passive manner since being a hard ass pretty much merits a hand-delivered invitation to parent/teacher/administrator conferences (notice no student is involved), extra tears from all, and it leads to that student further poisoning my room (a new personal vendetta implemented, after all it's not like he has any schoolwork to do) for the remainder of the school year! Plus, the grade outcome usually ends-up the same.

The point is that I have have been a neglectful blogger as a result, BUT I did invite (entice) one of my coolest friends to write for us again.

SO, following this post is a new one from the BRILLIANT and talented Jamie. You might remember him from the beloved Zombie Jesus post. To continue our monster theme, this one has to do with the vampires in corporate America, especially in the futbol arena. You'll love it!

Zombies (all together): I pledge allegiance to "the corporate man" of the United States of America..

ENJOY!