I had a crazy end of the six weeks Friday. I am still buried in grading and am exhausted from a week of:
"Ms. Haag, Mrs. Haag, Mrs. Haag... What can I do to bring up my grade (today, the last day of the six weeks) ?"
"But I have to pass... I play football...But you don't understand...I play football!"
"Have you seen the graphics on Final Fantasy 15 billion? They look real, except they're not."
"I hate you Mrs. Haag; eat a bag of shit (said in a whisper loud enough for only everyone in the room to hear). You're the worst teacher ever."
"I love you Mrs. Haag, you're the best teacher ever!"
"I wanted to come back and visit so that I could show you my new baby... the father? Yeah, he moved to Australia."
"Today is the last day to make up work? Can I come in on Monday?"
"Why is my grade so low? I know I didn't do any work or read the assignment. But, why is it THAT low?"
"I got busted last week for an MIP."
"Are you going to come to my ________ (game, play, concert, parole hearing, etc.)? Please! You HAVE to come."
"I really like your class, but don't ever wear that outfit again. It clashes with your hair."
"Mrs. Haag. I need someone to talk to. I had sex for the first time last night and I was supposed to wait."
"I didn't plagiarize! I only copied the information from Wikipedia. You didn't say not to!"
"Mrs. Haag, I just found out that my mom has ______ cancer."
"I really enjoyed that assignment. I want to send you an email this week-end so we can talk more about it. I really do feel like Mersault sometimes. Is there meaning to life?"
"Mrs. Haag, are you OK?"
These are actual statements/versions of statements that I hear almost every day, but especially today. I sincerely and absolutely LOVE my students. That's what makes what I do the best AND the worst job of all time. Sometimes I'm just drained. You know?
4 comments:
Yes, I know. And somehow the following topics were not included in the teacher preparation curriculum in college:
1. How to deal with awkward questions without crushing the questioner's psyche/will to live/ability to ask you a question again ever
2. How to talk about sex to a kid who is not yours and who you technically, legally should probably not even say the word "sex" around
3. How to calmly tell someone that sometimes comments are inappropriate when we really want to a)shrink into a ball and cry or b)physically assault the stupid meanie-head (that's right, I said "meanie-head"!)
4. How to ignore ugly comments without accidentally filtering out something important (I tend to just ignore everything)
5. How to explain to a student (for the 17,948th time) that in order to pass he has to actually turn in those big assignments
Luckily, though, no one had to teach either of us how to get completely goofy and laugh at the absurdity that is life. I'm so happy that you're around to make my life better. Remember that next time one of your choice kiddos tells you something rude. Maybe it will keep you out of jail for assault... :)
Love ya, mean it!
Thanks Fougs! I'm so lucky to have you as a friend! I'd seriously be rocking in a corner, shaking uncontrollably in an unresponsive stupor OR on so many meds that I could put my hand in an operating garbage disposal without feeling my fingers being chopped up into tiny little flesh fragments without your friendship. (And you're super fun!)
May the hilarity, sarcasm, and random shouts of "I'm a pony!" continue throughout the duration of our friendship. Love ya, too!
Cheers: to not assaulting anyone...unless they ask for it!
Sniff. I miss all those questions. Teaching is a gift.
Oh, and here's my favorite all time student off-the-wall remark from Jose, after a recent news onslaught of Columbine-style school shootings:
"Mr., why do crazy white kids do that? If it were a Mexican, we'd just slash your tires, and that would be the end of it..."
Reading this makes me glad I teach 2nd grade! However I do deal with lots of crap, but unfortunatly it is from the parents!
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