Sangha Renewal

I've been out of sorts and out of town for the last week because Rich and I had something really sad happen in our lives. Rich's step-mother, Debbie, passed away on Monday. She was 51 and her death was sudden and most unexpected. We got the call on Monday and headed to Amarillo on Tuesday morning. The rest of the week was a complete blur, and I think Rich very eloquently described the emotions that we are all feeling at this moment, so I'll direct you to his blog for understanding.

There are many thoughts running through my brain today, as they have been this entire week, and I wanted to share :

I'm reading a book called Going Home, Jesus and the Buddha as Brothers by Thich Nhat Hanh, the same holy man who wrote The Miracle of Mindfulness. Thay (as Thich Nhat Hanh is lovingly called by his brothers and sisters) in Going Home talks about the importance of the Sangha, the community or church, on whom we are supposed to rely for continual nourishment and spiritual growth. This should be a reciprocal, circular connection, one in which the individual has to do her part in order for the community to flourish. Thay reminds us that our job as a community is to be uplifting and cultivating. He says, "A Sangha is our refuge. Taking refuge in the Sangha is not a matter of faith, or belief; it is a matter of practice... If you have a Sangha, you are safe. You can nourish your home and protect yourself... Taking refuge in the Sangha is very important. Not a day goes by when I do not practice taking refuge several times."

And also, "We die (spiritually) so many times a day. We lose ourselves so many times a day. And thanks to the Sangha and the practice, we also come back to life several times a day... Redemption and resurrection are neither words nor objects of belief. They are our daily practice... You are born in order to die again; this is the fact. If the Sangha, the church, and the teacher are not there, you are likely to die again. You may die for a long time before you have a chance to be reborn again. The Sangha is your chance, your opportunity; the Sangha is your life."

And finally, "[Life's] a tragedy and also a comedy. We have to let our faith grow. To help our faith grow, we have to let our love grow. And because our faith and our love continue to grow, our happiness will also grow. If you are not peaceful, and happy and strong, how can you expect to help other people to be happy, and strong, and stable? So let us sit down as a group of brothers and sisters, as a Sangha, to practice looking deeply again into our lives and how to conduct them...we know that without the Sangha, and continuous practice, we cannot grow steadily."

These words were a great comfort to me this week because for the first time in a long time, I felt some sort of renewal or rebirth of my spirit. I have always had a nourishing, uplifting community of friends, my family. Unfortunately, sometimes I get so buried by sufferings - not just my personal ones, but also those of people who surround me and the world's sufferings that I tend to harbor near my heart - that I don't allow my Sangha to help me be reborn. In fact, a lot of times, I push them away because loving people too much allows us to be vulnerable to one another, and being vulnerable is very difficult for me.

This week, I lifted my head a little bit and recognized my Sangha for the first time in a while. I held hands with them, I prayed and cried with them; I looked into their eyes. I smiled at them and I danced with them, even if they weren't physically present. Because of them, I am reborn!

Thank you to all of you who continue to be patient with me and thank you for not kicking me to the curb, especially as I've been ironically selfish in my quest for selflessness. I want to grow steadily, and I think because I want to grow, it will eventually happen thanks to you, my Sangha.