ick minus S

We are all aware that people are strange (when you're a stranger...), and I am constantly aware of that fact. I taught seventh grade, for the love of Mike, and have observed (sober) human beings doing things like smelling their shoes for pleasure, sticking pencils in their ears (also for pleasure), cutting their underwear out of their pants, and getting their heads stuck in sweatshirts then falling out of their chairs trying to get untangled. You may not know this, but some might even consider ME slightly strange. Fine. Whatever.

The point is that I'm not unfamiliar with human oddities and not very many things surprise me anymore.

But this did:

Scenario: Let's say that you have done your morning work out and you decide to hit the pool to relax and to finish your favorite poolside Janet Evanovich novel (the latest in the Stephanie Plum bounty hunter series). You're enthralled by the print. Will Stephanie die saving the kidnapped girl while sorting out her feelings for her loyal cop boyfriend, or will she forget herself and all rationality and (again) submit to the solicitations of the mysterious, sexy-as-hell bounty hunter who is currently in her bed? (What? It's a little break from all the serious stuff..)

Anyway, you're reading when you hear a familiar, but misplaced sound. It's a click of some sort. Your brain searches itself trying to figure out what that sound might be. You hear it again. When your brain draws a conclusion, all of the characters in the Evanovich novel pause, look at you, and simultaneously say, "Really? Here? No way! No one would actually..."and you HAVE to look up and see for yourself. And to your utter disgust and horror, you realize you're not imagining things. Your conclusion is right!? A grown woman is sitting on the side of the pool CLIPPING HER TOENAILS into the pool.

My question is: In what world is that OK?

I mean, I understand that any kind of public pool is unsanitary and that I may be the only person on the planet who actually adheres to the posted sign that says, "This is my ool. Notice there is no 'P' in it. Let's keep it that way." I understand what happens when people get water up their nose and have to blow it out. I won't even mention band-aids. Or bugs. Or hair. Swimming pools are gross, but also I know that CHEMICALS (the ones that burn your eyes red, singe your nasal cavity, and take off the outside layer of your skin) kill most of the nastiness. I take absolute comfort in the chemical burn because, really, what germ could actually survive that sort of nuclear holocaust? I've never seen the actual data, but I have thoroughly convinced myself (and don't tell me otherwise) of the validity of this argument.

But toenails? Seriously?

I can just imagine her thought bubble - "Wow. My toenails sure do need clipping. But I want to swim NOW!! I know! Throw the clippers in the swim bag! It will be like having a foot soak pedicure. Sweet! Two birds and one stone.. or something like that."

Unfortunately, that didn't prevent me from taking one more dip in the ool minus p. I pretended that the clippings stayed on her side and I didn't plan to swim over there anyway. As long as I constantly push water away from me, the clippings won't come over... Right?

Sick.