Considering September 12th

(Hi Mom, don’t read this..)


Somehow I find it blasphemous to post this on this, the 10th anniversary of September 11th which, as you will quickly point out after reading this, is ironic on so many levels. So I won’t. I’ll schedule it to post tomorrow, a day that is not marked nor marred, neither memorialized nor mentionable.

Here’s the thing: I feel incredibly conflicted about September 11th. At this moment, Facebook, along with other mainstream media, is incredibly cluttered, heavy with the weight of questions like, “Where were you on the day?” over a link to an interactive pin site where everyone with an internet connection can pin a note showing where they were when the planes hit the Twin Towers. You can zoom in on Ground Zero in particular and read what folks witnessed then and how they are feeling now. The pins are even color-coded: Red pins represent the fearful; purple ones indicate anger; light blue pins are selected by the hopeful; dark blues are for the heartless, unmoved; and green are for people who feel secure. You can imagine what colors are most represented.

In addition to the sad posts, there are the patriotic ones: pictures of mountains, eagles, and, of course, the ever popular undulating Stars ‘n Stripes. And how many people changed their profile pictures to one of the iconic images, the flag flying over the wreckage, for example, or a NYC FD fireman’s hat? Listed are” inspirational writings” that say everything from the misplaced, “God Bless our Troops” to highly inspirational quotes by the likes of 9/11 figureheads like George W. Bush: "I can hear you, the rest of the world can hear you and the people who knocked these buildings down will hear all of us soon."

Fortunately, I haven’t seen any wholly disparaging quotes about Islam or any Middle Eastern countries. In fact, I found this from one of my lovely former students who happens to be a Muslim American:

“Tomorrow, on 9/11, I'll mourn the nearly 3,000 lives lost, the over 6,000 injuries, the infrastructural carnage and devastation in NYC, and the humiliation of my country, all perpetrated ignorantly in the name of MY religion.

And on 9/12, I'll mourn the nearly 1,000,000 lives, the 10's of millions of injuries, the infrastructural decimation in three countries, and the humiliation of my religion, all perpetrated ignorantly in the name of MY country.

May God guide us all.”

This is both sad and inspirational (and overwhelmingly apt, in my opinion).

I had the audacity to repost it as a reply on another person’s statistically incorrect post that was decidedly one-sided. She summarily deleted my response, I’m assuming because it allowed the notion that the US shares some culpability with regard to loss on this day. Maybe it’s because I said the words “Muslim” and “friend” in the same sentence. Who knows? In any case, her prompt censoring led to my swift and final friend dismissal.

Literally, I am a virtual outcast when it comes to my feelings about what should be remembered on a day like today. I am annoyed by all of the 9/11 pomp and pageantry and am almost completely intolerant of the boastful, blind patriotism that is attached to all of it. It's everywhere!

There. I said it.

Noam Chomsky, in an excerpt from his recent book, 9/11 – Was There an Alternative?, reminds us that before our country became enamored with our post 9/11 patriotic response, we were the perpetrators of much larger attacks as seen by our own history. He remembers the first 9/11, the one that happened in 1973 when we effectively over- turned the Chilean government and put Pinochet in office, a decision that led to 25 times the horror for the Chileans that 9/11/01 was to us. He notes that our most recent 9/11 war would be considered a crime of aggression, citing Chief Justice Robert Jackson’s proposal that the US (i.e. Bush), according to the textbook definition derived from the Nuremburg Trials, is a first aggressor who invaded another country.

“We are left with two choices: either Bush and associates are guilty of the “supreme international crime” including all the evils that follow, or else we declare that the Nuremberg proceedings were a farce and the allies were guilty of judicial murder.”

To be fair, Chomsky also cites Obama as a participant in the US’s injustices against others, specifically in his decision to execute bin Ladin without a trial - another example of “judicial murder.”

I realize I am being inflammatory at the moment. And perhaps this is the wrong time to bring up all of these points. Contrary to what you are probably thinking right now, I don’t plan on joining sides with the folks who burned an American flag outside of the US Embassy in London this morning (ouch), nor do I intend to further hurt or humiliate anyone who feels the very intimate loss that is associated with this day.

I would like to remind people that there is more to the story. September 11th should be remembered as a one of the most heinous days in US history and should be approached with humility, with empathy, and with an overwhelming reminder of how fragile and lovely humanity is. Perhaps we should be a little less patriotic, boastful, and dare I say, celebratory, and instead use our time to think deeply about what truths are buried in our collective American consciences that we may be compensating for in our allegiance to September 11th.

The Condition of my Back

Probably I shouldn’t write about my school in any form that can later be downloaded and printed off for lawyers to peruse for my trial – the one that happens after I’ve completely cracked and phoned every student or parent who was ever mean and told them what they could go and do with themselves. And you know I would never actually mention names in my writing.. mostly because I can’t remember them. HOWEVER, I do need to mention the fact that tomorrow I step into an entirely new academic dimension – one where there is no mask about privilege ruling supreme, where kids are treated as royalty, probably because they actually are royals.


Tomorrow is the first day of school.

Before I go into specifics about the knots in my back, I should mention a particular time in Montezuma, New Mexico, a day where all stress induced back aches disappeared and I felt free. Montezuma is host to a gorgeous international school where they occasionally hold what I affectionately call “teacher camp” for international teachers. It was a usual IB training with booklets and coffee breaks, but because it was in the mountains, there were also obstacle courses and “trust game” activities. For me and some newly made friends, there was spinning and dancing in an open field under the stars on a particularly magical, musical night. There was laughter and camaraderie, and skinny dipping in hot springs. It was lovely breathing fresh, crisp air and being so alive! It was a time when the teachers felt like kids again, where we actually felt important, like what we do for kids in the classroom matters.

At this camp, not only did I learn what I would consider the true nature of IB – organic, inquiry based learning where marks are given for ingenuity and insight, not taken away for mistakes – but I learned that I HAD to be part of the international teaching community. It was my niche, something I already knew about myself but hadn’t, until then, understood the urgency. The school in Montezuma was a scholarship school which to me said “level playing field.” In other words, everyone had an opportunity to play. No one had to pay. Everyone was valued and valuable.

Unfortunately most international schools are not like Montezuma. Most international schools have an agenda, the top three being religious, governmental, or for profit. This isn’t a new revelation. In fact it is the same in the states in public schools whether we care to admit it or not. It’s the wealthy elite enjoying excellent education via privatization and neighborhood privilege while the poor marginalized are left to beg for their intellectual bread. Generally international schools are for kids whose parents are “relocated” by their jobs or who have choice (i.e. money) about where they get to go to school.

My longing to be part of the international teaching community – and fitting in with those who are free spirited, educational gypsies - went to war with my integrity about what I think education should be: something organic, equalizing, and rooted deeply in community. I signed up anyway, giving-in to my selfish (perhaps that’s too strong of a word) need to feed my personal desire instead of huddling in the trenches with those who are fighting for the ideal promised to us as part of “the American dream”, and which is, in my opinion, a basic human right.

So back to my back. It hurts. Tomorrow is the first day at my new international school, and I’m stepping across the threshold with stories about how certain crown princes must carry their cell phones at all times in case of diplomatic emergencies; how certain affluent mothers squealed at seeing a washing machine for the first time and asked the dorm parent who would be doing her son’s laundry; how certain kids go for walks on sunny days instead of coming to class because they’ve never had to adhere to anyone else’s agenda; how the school is elite academically because they know the “strategies” involved with squeezing out the best test scores for programs like IB and AP, organic learning be damned; how the parents tend to overstep their bounds by being too involved.

I have to admit I’m afraid. Mostly I’m worried about connecting with my kids. Tomorrow is the first time I will be formally acquainted with elitism beyond anything I’ve ever seen (and I’m from Texas, folks!). I know kids are kids. I’m sure I will connect with many of them. I also know that most people are good people as Desmund Tutu reiterated regardless of what's in or not in their bank accounts. Also, the nature of my school almost forces community because we are all new here- teachers, students and parents alike. Still. This is most definitely a surreal leap.

I hope I’m cut out for it.

Face to Faith

Brother Mark left this comment on the Axe Murderer post:

"Anyway, while I'm on the subject, (of margins not decapitations) am interested to know what y'all think of this, especially Chelle, Deidra and the other big Jesus fans out there..
Face to Faith
All and any comments much appreciated!"

I'm curious to know your thoughts too, only I want to make it clear that the invitation is extended to all of you, whether you're a Jesus fan or not.

Let's do this salon style (more of an idea sharing and less of a debate) to keep communitas in this space.

(I left my response under Mark's original comment)

Green Peas Take The Field

Hey, check out the up-and-coming Green Pea site if you haven't already! Maybe we can make them an international community. So, love 'em and link 'em!

Here's an adorable excerpt from one of the Corduroy Kid's latest posts regarding the group's Sunday "field trip" or search to find their new community center:

'we spied a distant shadowy figure in the romantic mist, standing by what looked like a plume of smoke coming out of a barrel. Someone was having a fire in the rain! I waved at the figure and gestured somehow (I forget exactly how) as if to say 'can we come in?'

To our enormous and palapable joy, he waved back, signalling for us to come round to the other side, near where we had originally parked the car. Great! I thought, this is it ~ it could only mean one thing, couldn't it? Squatters!

Excitedly, thinking this was our big break ~ we would easily now make friends with these lovely people, and then of course the rest would be history ~ I urged the others to run with me around the building, we were like puppies slipping and sliding with brollies akimbo, rushing to meet our new soon-to-be-best-friends.

Turned out of course that the individuals were, bizarrely, a somewhat well-dressed group of Romanians, paid to live in and look after the property to protect it from, you guessed it, squatters!'[for more go here]

Also see NewSov and RPMT for other revolutionizing visions.

Mindful Politics, A Beginning

I'm reading a book called Mindful Politics, a compilation of writings (essays, speeches, and poems) from many influential spiritualists who promote the concept that politics, "is really about how we live together as human beings." It recognizes the fact that, "all spiritual practices point to one simple but profound truth -- that only love leads to peace, and hatred never does," which is "as true for nations as it is for individuals."[1]

This book redeems politics for me because it reminds us that politics is not (and should never be) about the individual or one particular group; it is always about the whole, all of us. It “is both morally wrong and pragmatically unwise to pursue only one’s own happiness oblivious to the feelings and aspirations of all others who surround us as members of the same human family,” and therefore we should embrace the love your neighbor truth that is foundational to all of the major world religions: Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, etc. [2]

I l.o.v.e this concept, especially since I am generally frustrated with my perception of politics - a potentially virtuous system that often gets defaced by selfish, self-righteous capitalistic persuasions and egocentric ambitions. Inwardly if I can revolutionize this anger fed reaction into something as simple as “being mindful of the whole,” I can respond outwardly in a way that is productive and sincere, a mustard seed beginning for world modification.

Realistically, “we can’t really change who others are and what they think. We can only work with our own heart and mind. But the transformative power of that is extraordinary.”[3] This transformative power that can potentially lead to peace stems from wisdom which, according to the Dalai Lama, is “the best part of human intelligence,” and which he defines as “the ability to decide between right and wrong.” He also says, “Whether we are able to achieve world peace or not, we have no choice but to work toward that goal.” [4]

I am very excited to hear politics discussed in this way for I often fear that the negativity that spews from my mouth and from the mouths of others is detrimental to the process of healing and renewal. I guess I believe that that is true in all arenas, not just the political one. Right now I feel very enthusiastic about the practice of mindful politics and feel inspired by the words of Dr. King, Thich Nhat Hanh, and the Dalai Lama. I hope that I can continue to work at it and influence others to do so as well so that together we can rid ourselves of capitalistically motivated egotism and begin to cultivate some sort of altruistic political revolution, though I’m not sure what that looks like.

There is so much more I want to say and so many ideas that I want to share, and I will as I continue my journey through this book.

In the mean time , there is a lot of work to do..



[1] Melvin McLeod, editor
[2] “A New Global Approach to Global Problems” - the Dalai Lama
[3] Melvin McLeod, editor
[4] “A New Global Approach to Global Problems” - the Dalai Lama

Hoops and Dreams: Basketball Practice in IRC San Diego

Here is an example of how the IRC helps.

International Rescue Committee

Check out the International Rescue Committee, or IRC, ' – a critical global network of first responders, humanitarian relief workers, healthcare providers, educators, community leaders, activists, and volunteers. Working together, we provide access to safety, sanctuary, and sustainable change for millions of people whose lives have been shattered by violence and oppression.'

Their mission:

'The International Rescue Committee serves refugees and communities victimized by oppression or violent conflict worldwide. Founded in 1933, the IRC is committed to freedom, human dignity, and self-reliance. This commitment is expressed in emergency relief, protection of human rights, post-conflict development, resettlement assistance, and advocacy.'

Here's what they do:

'One of the first to respond, one of the last to leave. For more than 70 years, the International Rescue Committee has been a leader in humanitarian relief. We mobilize quickly, bringing sustained support to regions torn apart by violence and deprivation. We provide a fresh start in the U.S. for refugees. And we advocate tirelessly on behalf of the displaced, addressing the root causes of violence and standing up for the world’s most vulnerable populations.'

.

According to brilliant Annie, who always does her homework and who brought this group to my attention, 'the IRC is independent of any country's funding. So in a lot of politically hot situations (ie, ache right after the tsunami) they are the only ones let in.'

.

There are tons of ways to get involved! I'm going to start by linking them to Viaggio.

Thanks for the link Annie!

The Winds of Change

My super smart collegiate sis wrote an amazing blog post yesterday, and I thought I should share it since I personally think she's brilliant.. and right. Love you Heeeeed!

Heather said,

'The first of the Democratic debates are on today... and it is a very exciting thing.

The next election, I believe, will be an important one - our country seems like it is thirsting for a new order, there are candidates whose kind we've never seen before (a woman and a black man), and major changes could be on the horizon.

Yes, its obvious that things like the Military Industrial Complex and corporations really having a say in things, like foreign policy, are just things we have to accept as inevitable, but at least the 8 years of Dick & Bush will be over.

The Military Industrial Complex (M.I.C), simply explained, is generally defined as a "coalition consisting of the military and industrialists who profit by manufacturing arms and selling them to the government." Halliburton, Boeing, Lockheed-Martin keep making bigger and better military equipment, which the Pentagon believes we NEED.And everything is scattered throughout the country, in all 50 states. For example, a fighter jet -- every state is responsible for producing one part of it. So Congressmen, trying to keep their jobs, can't just knock the M.I.C out because it would take jobs away from their citizens.

There is money at both ends (front and back) of this operation, but there is just a little more at the back end, where all the politicians and their friends are.

Think about it: the U.S. has always been at war, ever since World War I. When they saw what a boost to the economy it was, foreign policy became designed around attaining what the country needs. They always slap a generic slogan on it - "Striking down the evildoers" and "Protecting our freedom" - but its really all about following the money and personal gain.

Think about the "war" in Iraq... it all started with removing Mosadek (the leader at the time) from power so that oil in the Middle East was more accessible. The US put Saddam Hussein in power, and were friends until a few shady dealings happened and suddenly Saddam was demonized to the American people - he was an evildoer.

It seems to slip everyone's mind that Dick Cheney, the current Vice President, was formerly the Secretary of Defense when the US decided to REALLY become a military heavyweight... THEN he became the CEO of Halliburton, a company that not only builds military equipment, but oil refinery equipment... The present-day Vice President is an industrial contractor.

(Can't help but put Eisenhower's quote right here:)
In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist.

Basically, someone who has no previous ties and no hidden agenda would have to take office... but that'd be nearly impossible, because "its not what you know, its who you know" and the government is no different.

So, while there is hope on the horizon for change, its hard not to expect some fishy dealings... because there's 3/4 of a trillion dollars budgeted for the military, and when there's that much money, its hard to not get a little wide-eyed.

But, its exciting for me, a government buff, to see that someone of color is making this far into peoples' consciousness. And its even more exciting that Hillary Clinton threw her hat in the ring...

Hillary gets a bad rap, I think, because she's such an Ice Queen. But, she's smarter than anything! Bill Clinton had the highest IQ of all the Presidents... BUT HILLARY'S IS EVEN HIGHER!!

And Congress has started writing up plans to bring the troops home from the Middle East within the year. Too bad Bush has vowed to strike down anything they send his way. Issues like that also make it exciting to see how things change in the country and with the policies that affect everyone.

Did you feel that? ...those are the winds of change'

"We need equality now!"

The word feminist has taken on a negative connotation in this country. It has come to be associated with trouble making, bra burning, men hating, Ani Difranco listening "abominators" or (dare I say) "dykes". Really!

Being a feminist simply means that you are aware of/tuned in to the human rights of women. It means that we watch out for each other (men included) and that we take care of, stand up for, and protect all of our sisters. That can mean providing a safe place for someone to stay. It can mean baby sitting for a night so your friend can have some sanity time. It can simply mean walking someone to her car at night, or going to the restroom in pairs. That doesn't sound so radical, does it?!

But also..
After waking up to the news report that out of college women in the US only make 80% of men's salaries, and that after 10 years, we only make 60%; after seeing several of my friends panic because in my profession (teaching - made up of mostly women) there is NO maternity leave, and day care for 2 kids costs $700 per week, more than the take home pay of a teacher; after meeting many women who have been abandoned and abused, physically and/or emotionally; I figured that I'm more than mad about how our Western "progressive" society treats women! (And I won't even get into politics or religion!)

But then, this is hardly new news - and that prompts me to yell, "What the hell?!"

It turns out that I am not the only one who has equality on the brain these days. One of my awesome litmag scalawags introduced me Equality Now on our community centered web space called Communitas. (Thanks Hannah! You ROCK!) This may be a good place to start..

About Equality Now

Equality Now was founded in 1992 to work for the protection and promotion of the human rights of women around the world. Working with national human rights organizations and individual activists, Equality Now documents violence and discrimination against women and mobilizes international action to support their efforts to stop these human rights abuses. Through its Women’s Action Network of concerned groups and individuals around the world, Equality Now:

* distributes information about human rights violations
* takes action to protest these violations
* brings public attention to human rights violations against women

The Women’s Action Network is committed to voicing a worldwide call for justice and equality for women. Issues of urgent concern to Equality Now include rape, domestic violence, reproductive rights, trafficking of women, female genital mutilation, and the denial of equal access to economic opportunity and political participation.
Human rights violations against women have historically been denied the attention and concern of international organizations, national governments, traditional human rights groups and the media. Meanwhile, hundreds of millions of girls and women around the globe continue to endure debilitating and often fatal human rights abuses.

I can't breathe

Sometimes I think that the entire world is watching itself in its own movie (in technicolor), and is therefore separated from itself by that day to day, hum-drum curtain that most of us call "suburban reality". For some reason the violence - especially that of person to person - in all of its color is gutting and entertaining at the same time. The red is ultra red like Betty Page's sensual lips, somehow completely innocent and breathlessly sexy at the same time; the blues and greens blur together and beg for 3D lenses, or at least squinting eyes so that the brain can form a picture and make sense of what is being projected; the black tends to bleed a little and smears the defining lines that tell us that you are you and I am me; and the white seems too bleached and therefore false in a way, like the soft light that makes wedding pictures surreal and halo-y.

This deliberate, false "color" horrifies me.

I can't stomach the notion that people turn tragedy into politic. And what politic isn't a response to a threat, a repression, or to violence? Politic would seem to be a good thing, something righteous, an agent of change (!) except for the motives lurking underneath these ideals. There's always a motive.

It horrifies me that there is so much talk. The talk suffocates me. The news suffocates me. I. can't. breathe for all of the oxygen intake for talk. And all of you have heard the cliche that talk is cheap, and it is.

But then again, it's very expensive for some.

Nevertheless, we'll continue to talk and talk and talk and talk. We'll talk again on the same topic a year from now, on the anniversary of whatever we're talking about today. We'll mourn, and be stoic, and measure (in some sort of rational, concrete political terms) "how far we've come" until tomorrow, when we'll talk about something else, something more horrifying.

This makes me tired, and sometimes I just want to yell "cut!" and stop the technicolor so that I can take comfort in the dusty static, so that I can breathe again.

Quoting Christine

The amazing Christine has just finished reading A History of God, and in true Christine form she is now going back through it and typing up the parts that are especially interesting to her. That means that I can get the Cliffs Notes version without having to actually read the book.. (I'm on page 13 and have been on page 13 for two weeks now.)

OK OK, I will read the book..eventually. I want to finish The Bell Jar first, and then if I haven't spiraled into a state of utter despair and hopelessness, I hope to read another David Sedaris book. If anything, that will jerk me out of any kind of Bell Jarish melancholy. Also, I want to read a Nick Hornby book soon. Rich thinks they're amazing. OH! and there are several Allende books on my list AND I'm dying to reread Jane Eyre. (such. a. nerd.)

Whatever.

The whole point of this blog is NOT to share my reading list but to share some excellent quotes from A History of God that Christine shared with me. (Did I mention she's amazing?) Enjoy these and feel free to respond to them if you want.

'Human beings are aware that something is wrong with their condition; they feel at odds with themselves and others, out of touch with their inner nature and disoriented. Conflict and a lack of simplicity seem to characterize our existence. Yet we are constantly seeking to unite the multiplicity of phenomena and reduce them to some ordered whole. When we glance at a person, we do not see a leg, an arm, another arm, and a head, but automatically organize these elements into an integrated human being. This drive for unity is fundamental to the way our minds work and must, Plotinus believed, also reflect the essence of things in general. To find the underlying truth of reality, the soul must refashion itself, undergo a period of purification (katharsis) and engage in contemplation (theoria), as Plato had advised. It will have to look beyond the cosmos, beyond the sensible world and even beyond the limitations of the intellect to see into the heart of reality. This will not be an ascent to a reality outside ourselves, however, but a descent into the deepest recesses of the mind. It is, so to speak, a climb inward.' (101-102)

and (the one she likes)

'It seems that when human beings contemplate the absolute, they have very similar ideas and experiences.' (104)

Mad World

First of all, I should begin by saying a few things in the name of disclaimer: 1. It's 3:45 in the morning. 2. I took cold medicine last night because I had a sore throat and I refuse to get whatever form of flu-bola is going around. 3. Because I took cold medicine my finger tips are numb - which happens to be a good thing because I shredded them all to ribbons yesterday while working with a particular piece of glass. So typing with numb, shredded fingers is proving a difficult task since it's like using the broad end of a "exposed nerve ending" spatula to hit each key. It's only sort of possible and thank God for the numb! Please excuse the typos. (I should use that excuse all of the time!)

Anyway. I woke up with an angry rage in my gut and needed to spill it here, right now, because I don't think (.) that I can go back to sleep until this bloody mosh pit of hodgepodge rant is out of me.

I realize that when a person is "doped-up" things may seem more circusy than usual, and in my world circusy is very familiar, but don't think I'm exaggerating when I suggest that the world has recently gone ape-shit bonkers. I've been to the dark side and back and very few things surprise me anymore, especially since I taught seventh grade (and I will totally bilk that for all it's worth). But here are some examples of sheer insanity that I ran across yesterday in the news:

1. An art exhibit called "Sweet Jesus"- which portrays a life size chocolate Jesus floating in the air, arms outstretched in the recognizable crucifix position- was not only canceled but was scoffed at, mercilessly put down, and heinously scandalized all because it was done in "bad taste."* The sculpture is naked, and it turns out that Jesus...how do I put this delicately... well, it turns out that Jesus had a PENIS! (gasp! hide the children!).

You would think that the patriarchy would be highlighting this fact and using it to their advantage (even making it bigger) in order to compensate for their own insecurities, or even better they could use that aggressive, "build it for total world domination" masculinity to um, I don't know, drop bombs on Iraq. Oh. Check. OK. Iran then..

But then again, maybe I'm off. Maybe ousting the nude Jesus has nothing to do with genitalia. Maybe the show was canceled because the sculpture was cast in dark chocolate, totally unacceptable for a sculpture of Jesus. After all, wasn't he more of a white chocolate Euro-American wall street republican? Oh wait. .

2. The world (and when I say the world, I mean Japan) is making a new beer out of a very unexpected agricultural product.
.
Got milk?
.
So as not to step on any one's toes, I'll simply give you this link, which will tell you all you need to know about Bilk (seriously, it's like "bile" mixed with "ick"). I'll simply say that I thought fermented milk was called cottage cheese..

Oh! and think of the marketing! Haley Joel Osment, Lindsey Lohan, or one of the Pitt-Jolie kids sporting a Bilk mustache... Brilliant!

3. Three words: Karl. Rove. Rap.
This has to be one of the scariest things I've ever seen in my entire life i think i'm going to die now because no run on sentence in the entire world could ever erase the picture that is now permanently seared in my brain and there is no comedian on the planet who could ever make it right by making fun of its abomination-ness more than its own abomination-ness so move over gloria estefan we have a new winner of the "things i cannot tolerate" award and now i must go shave my eyeballs and call a priest.

(feeling better..)

Before I woke-up to this post, I had a dream. I dreamed that heaven was surrounded by a salt-water moat filled with all kinds of scary creatures. I dreamed that I was supposed to lie on my back, look up at the irrational orange sky and float to get there. Just float. I was supposed to hope that the the current would get me there without me having to do anything but keep my feet up, so as not to be brought down and held under by the raging currents and creatures beneath the water's surface.

But. As usual, and since I'm me, I decided instead to tread water - to kick and fight and struggle and choke on the salty bilk.
.
I want to get there, I really do.
.
In the mean time, here is a message to the entire world:

World, unpack your white Nike tennis shoes, tie on that purple cape, and break out the "kool-aid". It's time. Here comes Hale Bop. Let's not miss it this time..

Madness!

And it's back to bed for me.

*Thanks to Christine for the link and for the pun

Womanifesto!

I'm not finished yet, but seeing as today is International Women's Day, I thought that I would share what I've written in my Womanifesto so far. Also, in an effort to promote community, I invite you to participate by adding input/suggestions. All of you (both my fantastically amazing and beautiful girlfriends and you men who uplift women and treat us with respect and equality - all of you who have already influenced my life in profoundly significant ways) are welcome to respond.

[Working on the title of this Womanifesto]
A rule book for life and for what I believe to be the TRUTH about/for myself and all women, EVEN on the days when I blindly work at doubting who I am and who I want to BE.

1. Dance. Do it. Daily. Even if only in spirit. Seriously. It'll make you feel good. Heart. Body and Soul.

2. Spot color is essential. Have it in your journal, in your life, and all over who you are. LIFE HAS TO BE colorful, especially in all of that gloriously pure white space, especially in the margins.

3. Be spiritual, both ethereal and earthy. Connect with the things that you can't see, but also remember the passions that nourish your body through your firmly planted soles. Commune with that which humanity has called different names - the great I Am. Commune through music, in conversation, in meditation. Use your art (even if your art is only spot color today). Hold out your arms to that which cannot be held, and at the same time STOMP, STOMP, STOMP(!) that gorgeous duende* out of the earth and into your body. Feel both (the airy and the grounded) at once. There is where you'll find communitas and the liminality that goes with becoming who you are.

4. Remember to BREATHE. Be mindful about it. This is your existence. Breathe it in! Fill yourself with it! Frustrate Dionysus. Make him jealous of all of the life you're living.

5. Listen! Listen to your body, to your internal rhythm. Listen to your instinct. Listen to your friends, especially your girlfriends. Listen and HEAR. Listen more than you speak - but NOT more than you dance -You only get this existence. Listen to Ella Fitzgerald, to Joan Jett, and to Nelly Furtado. Listen to Emily Dickenson and the sad, sad song of Sylvia Plath or Kate Chopin, but also listen to Dorothy Parker, Lily Tomlin, and Amy Sedaris. Listen to Condoleezza Rice and to the mother of any soldier. Listen to Emma Goldman. Maya Angelou. Listen more than you think. Listen to your mother.

6. Be on the same pro-feminine team - the one that wants equality - politically, economically, and socially. [I need more here for sure, and possibly each of the three needs it's own defining category]

7. PARTICIPATE in Life. Be Necessary.

That's what I've got so far - a work in progress.
Probably always so..

*duende as in "tener duende" means "having duende", is a rarely explained concept in Spanish art, particularly flamenco, having to do with emotion, expression and authenticity. In fact, "Tener duende" can be loosely translated as "having Soul".

Random Musings Under the Big Top

When I read anything, I always have at least a pencil at the ready in case I need to underline something or write that excerpt in my journal. Usually I do both so that the words have twice the opportunity to seep into my skin, and I try to have multicolor pens close by in case the words make me passionate for purple, red, green, or rainbow. I often read and reread the words in an effort to fully realize their significance in the "you-niverse" and I find inspiration in the way that they unite all of the yous who have ever read them. Maybe I should share some of the excerpts that I have been juggling recently under the big top in my brain.

These are a few quotes from a book that one of my litmaggers let me borrow. (Don’t worry dear Uzbek, I wrote my thoughts in my journal and not In the Margins.) These are Inga Musico’s musings from her book, Cunt; an uncomfortably titled book book that empowers the sacred feminine (body and soul) in a very comfortable manner, but that also talks politics, art, and community. Her book brings together many voices from all over the globe, no matter gender, race, or creed:

On getting to be you:

“In Letters to a Young Poet, Rilke says, ‘The highest form of love is to be the protector of another person’s solitude.’ That’s what I want. For other people to love each other without having to partake in them, to possess them, to allow them to be their own inside their solitude, to protect that. I wish people respected each other’s aloneness” (Kristen Kosmas, from Cunt 153).

On women, art, and the patriarchal society:

“Art imitates life as life imitates art. Art and community are whirling dervishes unto one another. Takes two to tango. It doesn’t matter which one causes and affects the other, or when, or why, or how. This came first: the chicken or the egg.

“There is, of course, a huge problem here.

“Throughout the history of Western civilization – and by this term, I mean the destructive, competitive, capitalist, patriarchal, filthy rich, white male social system which threatens to consume every other culture on the planet – what is considered “art” has been presented by and for far less than half of the human community: the white, male portion…

“The difficulty in locating art made by women artists compared with the impossibility of avoiding art work created by men reflects how women live in this culture.

“It is the absolute normal reality…

“And it hurts us.
Ouch.
Every day” (Musico 201-206).

On "Mapping out a Belief System":

"The first thing you need in order to protect yourself is a womanifesto. My friend Panacea turned me on to the importance of womanifestos when she said, 'I like them because they tell me what I think.' Defining and articulating your beliefs serves you in any context...

"A womanifesto does not have to be written. It can be a song, dance, painting, or whatever medium stirs passion in your heart" (Musico 177).

Inga Musico's is called, "The Womanifesto for the Categorical New Freedom Lady." I'm starting to write my own... something to do with being the high flying, winged moth - both colorful and communal, I think.

What do you think about this?

I feel all Big Brother-y and unsettled by this because I think that it is another way that the government can spoon-feed fear to us. Also, ironically, I chuckled -which is sort of a male, pot-bellied word... so instead I'll say giggled - no that's no good either... um. I found it to be a bit humorous in a sarcastic way - when I read it. Go figure.

What are your thoughts, and will you be signing-up?

FBI Sends Citizens Terrorism Alerts by E-Mail
By Chitra Ragavan Fri Jan 19, 7:02 PM ET

The FBI has sent out 600,000 E-mail alerts to a base of 14,000 subscribers, the bureau tells U.S. News.

The E-mail alert program was launched in October to provide the public, businesses, and law enforcement agencies with timely information on everything from terrorists to fugitives, scammers, and crooks, as well as updated information on terrorist threats. John Miller, FBI chief spokesman, said the system can also be used for crisis communication during a disaster or terrorist attack.
To sign up, one clicks on red envelope icons on the FBI's main website or its 56 field office websites and provides an E-mail address. No personal information is required.
"The new FBI E-mail alert system lets us do several things," Miller says. "It becomes a high-speed information portal for anyone from local law enforcement to the media to the public. As you sign up for it, you can tailor what you want to be notified on based on your interests. It also can be used as a crisis communication tool in the event of a disaster or even a terrorist attack. By letting people know when our website is updated, we can tell them about developments in missing children investigations or most wanted suspects as well."
Miller said the FBI expects the alert system will also help them catch criminals.
"It's a fast, effective way of keeping our partners and the public informed," he said.

( article lifted from the US News and World Report, posted on Yahoo News)

Hey kids! Pay attention!

Fougs sent me this article via her dad in Cape Cod. This is pulled from the Cape Cod Times, and I think it's a GREAT idea!

At D-Y, students take a stand
By K.C. MYERSSTAFF WRITERSOUTH YARMOUTH -

What with the dress, the tux, and the limo, the average high school student spends $500 to $600 on prom night.

A group of Dennis-Yarmouth students - who call the single-night expenditure frivolous and ridiculous - have a better idea. Zak Jason, and other D-Y Amnesty International members, review a presentation on the crisis in Darfur. The group is planning "No Prom for Darfur," an alternative dance and fundraiser.

Members of Students Take Action Now: Darfur, or STAND, are planning a ''No Prom for Darfur'' party sometime in March. Although the date and place have yet to be finalized, the group is inviting students Capewide to skip the formal wear, updos and corsages, in favor of a big fundraising party to help stop the mass murder of black Africans in the Sudan.

''The original idea was, quite frankly, the prom is ridiculous, particularly when you think what $500 could do for Doctors Without Borders, for example,'' said Jeffrey Howell, a Dennis-Yarmouth High School English teacher and the staff adviser of STAND. This thought was reinforced when Zak Jason, the president of D-Y's student branch of Amnesty International, and fellow Amnesty member Ross Desmarais, studied Darfur for separate school projects last year. The Thursday afternoon Amnesty International discussions were soon dominated by talk of the horrors in Darfur.

''We found all these crazy statistics,'' Jason said. At this time last year, he said, there were 300,000 deaths and 15,000 rape victims. In November, several members of Amnesty went to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in Cambridge to listen to Eric Reeves, author of ''A Long Day's Dying,'' a book about Darfur.

''It was too dramatic to ignore,'' Howell said. Amnesty members formed a chapter of STAND the next day, Howell said. ''I was disheartened (after his talk),'' said Sarah Hodgdon, vice president of STAND. ''He said nothing will happen unless enough people get together.''

Since 2003, militia known as Janjaweed have been systemically raiding black villages, burning the houses, and murdering and torturing civilians in an attempt to drive black Africans from the area. The death toll is numbing. To put it into perspective, STAND member Connor Gramazio estimated that at the rate of 10,000 deaths a month, small towns like Harwich and Chatham would be gone in two months.

Unfortunately, the group of about 50 concerned students were met with blank stares and angry words when they tried to schedule the ''No Prom'' on prom night.
''There was a lot of drama,'' Hodgdon said. ''People said, 'What's Darfur? Why should we give up our prom for them?' The thing is, if people saw the movies we've seen, they wouldn't feel that way.''

Though the controversy got students talking and raised awareness about Darfur, STAND members ultimately relented. They now plan to hold the event on a non-prom weekend, probably in March. They are exploring venues, such as Cape Cod Community College or Barnstable High School, because they want students from all over the region to attend.
And they're hoping to raise big bucks to donate to humanitarian efforts in Darfur.

But are STAND and Amnesty members ready to give up their prom?
''We haven't thought that far yet,'' Hodgdon admitted.

K.C. Myers can be reached at kcmyers@capecodonline.com.
(Published: January 16, 2007)

Capitalist Mecca Falls

Ok, so I thought that since Justin T. decided to bring sexy back, I ought to at least TRY to contribute to his cause. Tonight is New Years Eve and as I am actually going out for once, I should at least wear something sparkly, show a little (or a fair amount of) cleavage, or find some sick looking stilettos to wear with my jeans and a great top. (Yes, friends, this is definitely a departure from tree climbing Ginger who never realized that she had a figure... until that day at the high school swim party when she wore her first bikini... then everyone knew that something might actually be possible in that area... so she immediately hid it away (but that's a different horror story.)) Anyway, my thought process was this: "I bet there are still tons of after-Christmas sales going on at the mall. - I have a Dillard's gift card that I need to use. - With a sale and a gift card, I might be able to afford something at Dillard's for once. - - - I'm going." And I went.

As I drove toward capitalist Mecca a.k.a. The Parks Mall, I noticed that the parking lot wasn't as crowded as I thought it might be.

Cool.

I parked near Dillard's, got out of the car, walked towards the glass double doors, mindfully paused to breathe, checked that I was donning my Buddhist half-smile, and entered the first level of Dante's Inferno.

I know I'm a smart girl. At least, I work really hard at being a smart girl. I study constantly and am a reading snob. I travel as much as I can to broaden my world view. I sip Merlot, eat "shtuff" that you spread on crackers, and participate at the Dallas Institute specifically to challenge my intellect. I tried being a vegetarian for a week (and hated it, but the point is I made an informed decision). I drink coffee because it smells intelligent. So what in the HELL was I thinking?

Here's what happened:

Immediately, I went to what I consider the "Euro Chic" section: trendy, sparkly clothes - New Year's clothes that I probably won't fit into (because apparently, American department stores think that size 2 is average even though we are all grossly and piggishly overweight according to the media). I did find some cute items, but 50% off of these is still $100.00. No can do. Still, I have my zen-worthy half-smile. I'm fat and zen. Everything is OK.

I thought that maybe I should just brush off the cute top idea and stick to shoes. I went directly to the shoe department where people were turning around into each other because it was so crowded, and employees were sighing in the back room loudly enough for all of us to hear over the Keane playing on the loud speaker (and for the record, I DO NOT begrudge them their sighs!). I tried on a couple of pairs of shoes, decided that I needed to figure out what I was wearing before I bought shoes.. so I went back to the EC section upstairs.

Oh yeah. I can't afford or fit into clothes in the EC section. Damn it! OK, breathe. Quarter-smile in place... Before I left the EC section, I did run into a delightful woman who was wearing one of those earpieces that was originally intended for the Secret Service but which everyone who's anyone has (except for me because I don't want to look like I'm talking to myself). This woman was extremely animated. I picked up on the fact that she wanted to return something without a receipt - something that was purchased six months ago - and the woman, "could remember (in a very loud voice), the exact day that this article of clothing was bought, specifically as a Christmas gift!!!" The poor clerk was pleading with the woman in the most polite way she could. She was sorry, but without a receipt, there was nothing she could do, especially since she didn't recognize that article of clothing. This received the overrated and overused, "I want to speak to your manager!" from the shopper. Worried for my own well being, I left, quarter-smile fading.

I decided, against my better judgement, to try Express. From a distance, I could see the 60% off sign. I did not have a gift certificate for Express, but surely 60% off was a beacon of light. The second I entered, I realized that I wasn't actually in a clothing store but at a feeding trough for very thin barnyard animals. Seriously, there were bins marked small and medium (because, again, real American women don't wear more than a size 6(!)) and I was pushed and bumped out of the way. (sigh)

Retreat!!! Raise the white flag!!! Flee! Flee! Flee!!!

To make a very long story short: I ran away from capitalist Mecca, hands empty and with any notion of a zen-smile deflated, fighting thoughts that, at size 8, I am NOT huge, and that I will find something in my closet other than sweats to wear to our New Years party...

Last thought: Don't be an ass. Be nice to store clerks and STOP (for Christ's sake) pushing folks out of the way. You'll want the new spring line (that stores will put out tomorrow) more than anything you bought today anyway.

Another instance that demonstrates the fact that incompetence gets the promotion

A response to Time Magazine for picking us, the American people, for person of the year:

"American people, you should be ashamed! The president went and bit off a big piece of the Middle East and, like an eagle, brought it back to the nest and he's regurgitating it back into your mouths! Why won’t you swallow?!!
When history looks back at the actions of this president and the decisions he made regarding this war, you will go down as the most incompetent American people of all time. Deal with it!" ---Stephen Colbert

Lifted from The Daily Kos

And also, go here for an interesting debate in the same thread.