Three very pregnant women stand in a circle in a public place, bellies almost touching. Whispering.
Preggo 1 (to others): When are you due?
Preggo 2: In a month.
Preggo 3: A month after her.
P1: Oh really? I'm due on Wednesday. (Internal grin, obviously trying not to show it outwardly.)
P2 and P3: Oh Wow. You're lucky. (Maniacally glancing back and forth) You don't even look like he's dropped, yet.
P1: Yeah. Doc says he may not, until the last minute, anyway.
P2: Well, I want this baby born already.
P1: And how. (fidgeting)
P3: You know, I heard that there are (ahem) ways to make that happen more quickly.
P2: Yeah. Like walking the mall or doing tribal Indian dances.. Squats.
P1: I heard spicy Mexican food is also a trigger.
P2: And (glancing around nervously) (barely audible) sex.
P3: Oh hell no. Get that the hell away from me.
P2: Yeah. That's not cool.
P1: (sweating, trying not to sound inauthentic) Yeah. Uh. What you said..(overcompensating) We hate men.. and their...that.. um.. act.
(awkward silence)
P2 and P3 (in mumbled, jumbled voices): OK. Better go.. things to do.. baby stuff.. diapers.
Preggo 2 and 3 scatter in opposite directions.
Preggo 1 stands stoic - a little proud, a little smug, wondering if after lunch at Abuelos if she should tribally ask the gods for rain, etc..
2 comments:
My cousin swears that sex does in fact work to get labor going....
:)
I LOVE YOUR BLOG!
I feel like I have to shout that. Because no matter what the frick you name it or where it goes, I better be invited dammit.
PLEASE don't stop writing with your funniness.
You, my dear, are a gift.
All the love I can give (rocky mountain style) for you three in the next couple of days - or however long it takes for Jack to get here.
Now that I read that, I just want to be clear that I'll give you love even after Jack gets here.
Now after I read that, I'd like to make sure you know that I mean love in a friendly way... not that there's anything wrong with anything else.
Oh forget it. You know what I mean.
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