Here's how you know you've had a crappy day:

1. The alarm goes off, but it doesn't matter because the cat has already alerted you (via obnoxious yowls) to the fact that your alarm is about to go off... in an hour.

2. You have to rush to get ready because, even though you were awake earlier than usual, you were pissed off and refused to get out of bed until you hit the snooze button one extra time. Because of this point that you were making to your.. uh.. alarm clock? cat? Whatever. Because of this, you have no time for proper hair teasing so you look like (or at least feel like you look like) the bride of Frankenstein, only more frizzy!

3. You get to your job and you're met with immediate jackholery (thanks for the word, Lisa). In my case, here's how it went:

I walked into the schoolhouse. I saw a cluster of students. They were all wearing hats which is against the school dress code.
Me: Good morning, guys. Please take off your hats.
Them: (look around like they hear something, but can't tell where from): What? Did someone say something?
Me: Just please take off your hats. You're inside of a building; it's polite to take off your hats. Plus it's the rule. Please take them off.
Them: (dig their fingers around in their ears as if something is obstructing their hearing - a move that had clearly been planned and implemented before): Did someone say something?
Me: Are you serious? I asked nicely. OK. STOP. BEING. JERKS. Take your hats off.
Them: She did not just say that.. We're going to get her fired. She called us jerks.
Me: Do it now!
Them: (Barely lift their hats a quarter inch off of their heads and hold them there (as a statement of what they think of me and my mother) so that when I turn the corner, they can put them back on).

4. You're still walking to your room/floor/cubicle/space etc. and you are met with further insult. Here's my version:

I'm hurrying around the corner and nearly bump into one of my favorite kids.
Me: (brushing off the incident that happened two seconds ago because, as a teacher, that's what you do.) Good Morning!
Him: Ewww!!
Me: ( apparent sad face)
Him: (yelling from down the hall) Sorry, Mrs. Haag! (while laughing)

5. 30% of those to whom you are speaking go to sleep while you are talking, even though you've studied for days, have practiced your presentation AND it is over something you love on a profound level. Also, you are working so hard - enthusiastically gesturing and changing the tone of your voice, doing everything you can possibly think of short of lighting yourself on fire - to entertain your audience. They can't be bothered to look at you.

This happens every other hour, all day.

6. You are supposed to set up a meeting with someone but can't find a place in your calendar because it is so full of meetings that there are NO open spaces.

7. That being said, you honestly can't remember the last time you got to use your time at work to actually do your job.

8. You go to the eye doctor and you hear words/phrases like "glaucoma", "you're too young", "medication," and "your insurance won't cover it".

9. You're called a soccer mom, though you have no kids, you don't drive a minivan, and your hair is not soccer-mom-ish. Frankenstein-ish, yes. Actually, by now it's more wet-cat-ish. But not soccer-mom-ish! You think, "Honestly! When did I become old enough to look like I have a kid who is old enough to play soccer? Wait. I could be a soccer mom! Biological clock IS BROKEN!"

10. You get home and all you can think about is a TALL glass of wine, a hot bubble bath, and a vacation...

(AND you feel like an ass because, though you've had a seriously CRAPPY day, you recognize that you still have it good: 100+ people died in Iraq today - none of whom were your family... and you're at least grateful for that.)