So, it's almost the end of the school year. Pretty much my kids are done; when I say done I mean that they have flat out stopped working. They're seniors. The painful irony of trying to effectively teach Lord of the Flies to these chaotic big'uns - while they are trying to ignore the approaching "last summer as a high school kid", their bouncing spring hormones, and the fact that the biggest event in their lives is coming, senior prom - is not lost on me. The poor seniors are blissfully running around, passing out senior pics, sealing graduation announcements, and discussing dresses and tuxes and summer trips to the beach.
Little do they know or little do they care that they STILL HAVE TO PASS MY CLASS to get a diploma.
I genuinely appreciate those who are still working hard (because they love me and hope that I don't really go insane, or because they need to pass this six weeks in order to graduate..whatever). Thank you!!!
Either way, the end of the road is only three feet in front of them. Before this class leaves, I thought I should share a few of their funnies that I will eventually need to publish in my future book called, Holy Hell, I Made It Through 30 Years Of Teaching! (only 21 years to go.. shit. :) )Some of these may seem inappropriate, but I assure you none of them were meant to be scandalous. Also, I'm curious to know how you, the sane, productive members in society would handle some of these, as my reaction was generally stunned silence or silent laughter..(not at the kids of course... well ok, at some of them)
#1: We're reading Frankenstein.
Me: When we read Macbeth, we talked about a literary device called pathetic fallacy and we are seeing another instance of that device in this particular chapter. Do any of you remember what pathetic fallacy is and can you explain how Mary Shelly is using it in this chapter?
Class: (blink. blink.)
Me: Anyone?
Class: (looking for a savior among their peers... blink. blink.)
Me: Can someone at least define pathetic fallacy?
Boy: (shyly raising his hand) Isn't pathetic fallacy when a man has a very uh... small man part?
Class: (not sure whether to laugh or nod, after all this is Frankenstein)
Me: (trying not to laugh and trying to maintain a dignified classroom) I think we need to check the spelling. You see I'm saying fallacy with an f. You're talking about a word that begins with ph...(oh crap. what have I gotten into..)
#2: We're reading Inferno.
Me: Who remembers what an allegory is?
Sweet girl: Oh! Isn't that when animals talk in stories?
Me: Actually, that's...
Over-confident football boy: (interrupting) NO! When animals talk it's called bestiality!
Me: (silent laughter of doom.. falling off of chair)
Class: (blink. blink. except for the super smart boy who mutters "moron" under his breath) Ms. H, What's so funny?
Me: Because bestiality is when (oh crap. what have I gotten into..)
#3: We're reading Candide.
Student in the back of the room: Ms. H, What's a mulatto?
Me: (thinking about political correctness, wording is important.. thinking)
Cheerleader: It totally sounds like something you can get at Starbucks! I'll have a grande mulatto with whip! (sparkle smile)
Me: (silent laughter of doom.. falling off of chair)
9 comments:
Look closely at the stuff on my walls.
My PACE flag usually stuns the kids. They immediately draw the rational conclusion that I'm gay and that I like Picante sauce -a lot- enough to have a gay Picante flag.
Also, some of the kids label my room with sticky notes just to be goobers. They like to label my Einstein poster "Mark Twain" for example
Holy crap, I'm falling off my chair reading this post! Honestly, I don't know how you all do it - this whole teaching-other- people's-kids thing.
There was an interest mulatto vs. Milano (cookie) issue that came up on a Scrubs episode. I didn't get it at first because I've honestly never heard the word "mulatto" before in my whole entire life. Is that a sad thing or a good thing?
I love this post!! I love the pictures and the stories are hilarious!! I love how you think every time "Oh crap what have I gotten myself into!"
I remember when you took to me to see your room a couple of summers ago! Your room is so neat and organized! I wish mine was like that!!!
My first thought on seeing the pics was 'What is that gay picante sauce flag doing up there?' You beat me too it though.
Love the stories - highly embaressing!!!!
So what is the flag about???
Only you girl, only you. How completely hysterical...and put me down for one of those books you plan on writing.
Hey guys!
Pace(pah-che)is Peace in Italian. The rainbow is a symbol of peace.
This is one of my souvenirs from my trip to Italy last summer. I put it on the wall at the beginning of this school year.
My darling IB kids now say, "Pace! Pace, Ms. Haag!" whenever I get upset with them.
My darling seniors say, "Hey? When did you get that flag? Why does it say Pace? I thought you were married."
did #2 happen in my class? i think it did, but i'm not sure, i think there was a beastiality reference at least once in there at one time or another.
Right you are, Justin!
You make me regret leaving the classroom behind.
And stir up all sorts of falling off the chair silent laughter of doom moments I had the honor of being part of.
Don't ever stop teaching. It's a beautiful, beautiful gift.
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