Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch!

Dorothy's candy-ass whirlwind had nothing on the vertiginous tornado that whipped my life last week. And yes. I DID say vertiginous. What of it? I'm still weak-kneed from all of the whirling. Plus vertiginous is a fun word to say AND it makes me sound smarter than I am. Say it with me now: "ver-tig-i-nous." See? Fun!

Lately, as you can see, my brain would fit right in with those who search for a holy grail but get side-tracked by shrubberies and herrings and whatnots. If you'll stay with me, I'll explain (briefly - or as briefly as I can - which means this may be very lengthy).

Monday - I was stupid brave enough to invite 21 IB students to my house for a review session. 16 of them, plus my partner in crime, the Fougs, showed up. If you've never been in my living room, you should know that having that many folks in my house - who are not mingling, playing poker, and/or drinking too many He is Risen Margaritas before they realize that maybe they only should've had one - is sort of stifling. And for the record, there was some mingling, but there was NO poker and NO margarita drinking at this event. It turned out to be a nice evening. The kids were ultra kind and thanked me profusely for allowing them to study here. We covered a lot of material, had lots of hot tea (which several of them picked over the soda and kool-aid (which is what I was having) I think because tea makes you feel smarter (and allows you to speak in an English accent if you want - which also makes you feel smarter), and had some giggle sessions to boot. In short, it was a pleasant evening.

Tuesday - I was late to school (stress! - 30 kids standing outside of your locked classroom, making you very aware of your tardiness), and had a baby doctor appointment on my conference period. Those always terrify me, especially since I am afraid to get my hopes up. I have to steel myself for whatever news the doctor will give me, and have to quiet my enthusiasm at the thought of hearing a little heartbeat. I try to keep my emotions in check, but also, I have to face the fact that there might not be a heartbeat. I have to brace myself for that circumstance and have to think about how to best handle it: How will I drive back to school? How will I teach the rest of the day? How will I tell Rich? I can't handle another disappointment like that without being prepared mentally. So, though I try to be optimistic, I generally have tears of relief after doctor visits and not tears of joy. Luckily, there was a strong heartbeat this time, and the news was all positive.

Wednesday - It was a fairly normal day, except that Rich and I went Christmas shopping in the freezing rain.. because we're stupid. But the options were: shop in the freezing rain OR shop on (gasp) the week-end. Shopping on the week-end during the Christmas holiday HAS to have made one of the Dante's circles in The Inferno. Seriously. It's hell. And since it's December, it's frozen hell just like Dante imagined, only instead of Satan's three mouths chewing on Judas, Brutus, and Cassius, they are chewing on those folks who want to "clean your ring" for 15 thousand dollars and the cost of your life span, cranky mall elves, and that guy who cut me off to get the parking space I was signaling for. (sigh)

Thursday - Saturday - The Fougs and I gave IB IOC's. The IOC (Individual Oral Commentary) is an assessment that the uber-smart kids have to take. The kids randomly pick an envelope from a stack. In it there is a 40 line extract from one of the 4 literary pieces we have studied this semester (for us, it could be one of 40 poems from Mary Oliver's collection of poems in American Primitive, 40 lines from one of 8 short stories by Ernest Hemingway, 40 lines from one of 8 speeches by Martin Luther King Jr., or one of 40 lines from Macbeth). The kids had 20 minutes to analyze their extracts - put it in context of the whole, explain the significance, identify the figurative language and style of the author, determine the author's intent, etc. - and then they had to give a 15 minute oral commentary over their extract. In other words, they had to give an organized, cohesive, eloquent oral essay. Other than organizing the IOCs (which was painstakingly difficult - Thanks Fougs!), our job was to listen to the commentaries one on one, to identify as the student was speaking, any gaps or holes in the commentary, and then to pose questions to the student at the end of the 15 minutes to make sure that he/she gets the highest score possible - all while taking notes, recording the commentary, and timing it. Then we score each one, only to have our scores moderated by the IB gods who can "adjust" our scores however they see fit. (BIG SIGH) It was a tough three days, and my brain is TIRED. Did I mention that my other classes had to have a substitute for two days so that I could do these assessments? Those of you who are teachers understand what that means..

OH! And Friday was the release party (Temporary Utopia) for the fall edition of our literary magazine - which ROCKS!!! Temp U was fun, except for that whole sewage line break, move of location, and lost litmags.. More on this later.

Sunday - So now it's today - the day of rest. And I'm reeling. And I'm exhausted. And I have tons to do today.
But I think the storm clouds are clearing, and I remain unscathed for the most part. Honestly, I probably operate better under this type of stress. It just sucks because the aftermath leaves me so incapacitated that I can't even remember how to count to three.

"One... two... five!"
"No! Three, sir!"
"Three!"
(throws grenade)