Check Your Hesitation

I have many conversations with my friends that end with me saying, "Wow. What you're saying is so valid and so important that I think other people would certainly relate. Blog it. Seriously. This needs to get talked about. Use me as your soapbox." The following is a product of one such conversation. This is a very relevant and witty reflection by my dear friend, Jamie. He's been a guest blogger here before with his Zombie Jesus post and Vampires, Zombies, and the beautiful game one, so you already know he's a brilliantly insightful writer. I, for one, certainly can relate to this:

Check Your Hesitation

by Jamie F.

The question was multiple choice. It should have been simple. I was filling out a survey online. I don’t even remember what it was for; I am a whore for free stuff, so I participate in several consumer survey groups in which I trade my opinions and spending habits for a couple bucks or some frequent flier miles.

I had finished the difficult part and was at the very end of the demographic questions that finish out the survey. My age, my ethnicity, my ballpark salary range, my education level, and finally…my religious affiliation.

This was the first time in a while that I had been asked this question directly. The choices were very broad- Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, or Other. And I hesitated. I was shocked at myself for hesitating. I never would have done that five years ago.

Let’s throw out the background before anybody makes any assumptions about me. I was raised a Catholic Christian in Mississippi. And I was a pretty good Catholic. I was on the state (actually Diocesan, because Mississippi is only 2% Catholic, so there is only one diocese for almost the whole state) youth council, an officer in my Catholic Youth Organization, singer and guitarist for the Sunday night Mass. I spent time over two summers on mission trips in Mexico. I made the pilgrimage to Denver in 1993 to see THE Pope, not the new guy with the questionable past political affiliations.

I at least went to church most Sundays in college in Los Angeles. I found the Catholic Center on Campus a little creepy, so I went to a neighborhood church with Mass in Spanish most of the time.

When I moved to Texas, I spent months visiting churches. I picked one out eventually and began attending regularly. I stopped going there after attending Mass on September 16th, 2001. Take a second and put yourself back on that date, the first Sunday after September 11th. The church was packed. People were afraid. They were looking for wisdom, comfort, and many were probably looking to fill a religious void in their lives. I was excited to hear the priest’s Homily. That’s Catholic for sermon, for all you Martin Luther bandwagoners out there. Instead of lauding faith and God’s love as a way to find comfort after such a traumatic week, the priest gave a canned pitch from the Diocese asking for money as part of a special fundraising campaign for the Church. This was the same talk that would have been given if thousands of people had not died since the previous Sunday’s Mass. When he was finished with that, Mass continued, and nothing else was said extemporaneously. I, for the first time in my life, left after Communion.

I already had some major issues with some policies of the Catholic Church. This pushed me over the edge. I found another church and attended sporadically, but my relationship with Catholicism as an institution never recovered. It is important to note that this had nothing to do with my beliefs, or my faith, which remained essentially unchanged.

Over the years since then, my politics have been driven left of where they were, with little relation to religion. I still called myself a Christian, although I have always felt that religion is man’s interpretation of God, or God’s revelation of itself to man. I have always felt God speaks to people in a way they can understand, and that explains all the different faiths. I’m one of those who thinks we are all talking about the same higher power, just relating to him or her or it in different ways. I have also always distrusted man’s manipulation of faith into institutions, which is how I would define organized religion.

Here is where things get interesting. The reason I hesitated on the survey question is not because I don’t know if I have faith or if I believe in God. I am quite certain of how I feel about that. I even think that, for me, Christianity is probably the most accessible form of relating to God. I have no problem with Christianity. What I have a problem with is the baggage that goes along with the word Christian. More and more, I feel that there is a political component to that word. And, get your comments/flames ready, I would never want to be associated with the political side of Christianity.

So, for me, the question was, “Do I want my name associated with what it means to be a Christian in today’s world?” When I hear that word I start to play word association in my head…home school, creationism, right-wing, anti-feminist, intolerant, theocratic, Iraq…
To be fair, you can make some similar associations with other religion names, Islam, Judaism…you get the idea. I think I just feel that my religion did not used to carry such a radical political association and over the past few years it has gained that. It is alienating, at the very least. Now, to enter a church community, not only does one need to bring a set of religious beliefs in line with that community, but a set of political values as well. And I don’t understand why being a Christian has to mean that I demand every aspect of life embrace Christian ideals and condemn anything else.

So what am I? I felt very empty, and a little scared at my predicament. Am I going straight to hell because I denied my faith? I was sitting there waiting for the cock to crow. It is tough to let go of something as fundamental as the religion you were raised with. But if I truly believe what Christianity is about is loving my neighbor as myself and loving my God with my heart, mind, and soul, then this current right-wing political movement that stole my religion’s name needs to return it, seeing how stealing is one of the no-no’s on the list of rules they are trying to hang in the courthouses.

** Jamie also writes a soccer column for an FC Dallas website called 3rd Degree.