1. I hope my nude colored panties are clean since the only other pair I know are clean are black.. and lacy. Wearing the latter with white pants is probably not the professional message I'm hoping to send today at work.
2. I must drink my coffee before I drive to work since I have an infamous habit of spilling coffee in the car onto my lap.**
3. I better pack an all white lunch just in case: ☑cottage cheese ☑yogurt ☑saltines
4. Watch out for ALL pens. Make extra certain that the caps are on them in case you accidentally swing the writing end anywhere near your pants. Write with absolute caution. In fact, stick to pencil today.
5. Don't even THINK about that time in junior high on chicken nugget day when you accidentally sat in a smear of barbecue sauce, causing others to think that... (gasp!)
6. Look before you sit!**
7. Only drink water.
8. Only drink water if you are standing at a 45 degree angle so that if you do happen to dribble/laugh/sneeze without warning, the water will spot/spill/spray AWAY from your pants.
9. I have a wedgie at the moment and everybody knows. Try not to think about it or blush. There is no escape. They know. I know they know. Just play it cool until passing period and whatever you do, do not turn around. Just stand still. Only 45 more minutes. 45 short minutes. Oh good. 44 minutes.(tick tick tick) And now it's 43 minutes. 43 minutes to go.
10. No hugging the cat.
Down with white pants!
* Clearly, I recognize that thinking about my pants is never as important as the Burmese protests or the anniversary of the Little Rock 9... unless of course I think that I shouldn't wear them. In my line of profession, not wearing pants at work will probably end up in the news.
**a good suggestion for EVERY day!
5 comments:
Ginger you are hysterical. I love to hate white pants. No matter how hard you try to keep them clean something always gets on them.
oh my, that is brilliant!!!!!
Yeah, but when I was 12, and Don Johnson was the shiznitz... Man, did I love my white pants, pink polo shirt, and loafers (without socks).
How clever!!! Take heart...you were meant to be beautiful in white pants! You are your Mimi's granddaughter...and she loved white pants...It was a family joke...she would wear white pants and shirt, even to the lake...and remain picture perfect all day!
You mean to tell me you didn't think, Can wear white after Labor Day?
I have a nightmare story about wearing white pants but I think I'll save that for our private conversation! Let's just say it wasn't pretty!! I don't think I've worn white pants since!!
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